She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
