so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Randomize
