before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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