so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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