i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
