Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
