Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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