Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this boner is exhausting
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
