people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
