I just pynch a tree in the face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
