The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
