the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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