if you like me you must not know who I am
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mom said you looked used
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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