Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
