Pants 0. Shit 1.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize