At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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