i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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