Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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