i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
