It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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