i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
