I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
