And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
