Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
