Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
