It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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