Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
