I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
