she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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