Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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