so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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