Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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