The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
