there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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