I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
