i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
