Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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