I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
