He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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