hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
