the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
