just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
