Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
