I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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