Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
