She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
