Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
worst night to have a conscience
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
