dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I touched a dick in church today
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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