My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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