All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
do nipples grow back?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
