she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
