Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
