allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize