I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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