Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
