dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
