I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
