So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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