well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
