State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
