How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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