Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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