Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
