she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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