I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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